Dear Drivers of the Road,
I know I am not a certified DMV employee, and in anyway legally allowed to give you driving advice. But well, I will anyway. Here are what I think should be the rules of the road. Some simple and some are a bit more complex... read slow if you just don't get it.
- Use your blinker, it's there for a reason. And not right before you get there. It helps people know that they could possibly pull out in front of traffic if they so trust that you are slowing down and really are turning.
- Park in ONE. Uno. 1. Single. parking spot. I just don't get when you park your fancy pants car in two spots. Makes me want to park my big ass, decade old truck right next to you... STOP IT. Just because your making payments on your car still, and I have had mine paid off for 7 years now, just makes me want to park right next to you!
- Music. Here comes the hypocrite in me. Turn it down, practically turned off, when.in.a.subdivision. Yes I was a teenager that just didn't get "turn it down!!" maybe if someone would have explained that people sleep during the day, whether children napping, or DH sleeping from work shifts. TURN YOUR SHIT DOWN. And when you think you have it down low enough. Turn it down more, because seriously I can still hear you. I don't care if it makes you feel better, when you see the tack strip across my street you might then feel the rath of a mom that just got the toddler to take a nap, but NO, your stupid bass just woke up my kid. Motorcycles, crotch rockets whatever, DON'T REV near homes either. Not impressed. At all. I hate you. Wear a helmet and go away.
- Speaking of, Motorcyclist and all other bike riding people. First wear a helmet. Because when your retarded ass falls off that bike, and my big ass SUV runs you over like a shiny speed bump, you bet your ass I will feel no remorse. Why? A. Because you chose to ride a bike, B. Because you have no helmet. And C. because you probably drive like an ass. Now I am sure there very responsible bike drivers. I personally know some. But when you weave, on the highway and you cut me off so fucking close that I only see your head and shoulders. You only anger me, because of the damage you could do to me, my children, and the time I would waste on explaining why your being removed from my windshield.
- Right laners. Yes drive your chosen speed limit. My only request is when you see people merging on. MOVE.OVER. Yes into the left lane, possibly before you get to the point of merging, so it's not a psyco swerve over move. Or the slam on the brakes freaking out over how they are getting on! Ugg. Just do us all a favor, get off the highway.
- Left laners. (pertaining to some of us with only 2 lanes on our direction of highway) This is the fast lane. Go fast. If you chose to be in the left lane, DO NOT go under the speed limit. DO NOT go the speed limit (this means you should be either in the right lane or on side roads) go faster. If someone wants to go faster then you, move over. Yes move over to the right and once they pass, then you can go back to the left lane. Please understand though, if I am in the left lane and you choose to go WAY fast, and FLY up my ass. I will not kill myself, waste gas by flooring it, or get a ticket to get out of your way. I will move over as soon as I can though. Oh and the longer your WAY up my ass. The longer it will take me to pass the semi to my right. BACK OFF.
- Ass riders. BACK OFF. I don't deal well with ass riders, I will slow down. A lot. I will be late, and have been for work on purpose because you are an ass rider. No reason for it. I just choose to annoy you more they you already are. I get if your in a hurry, but riding my ass will just not make it go any better. Going into labor? Dying? Well then ride the shoulder, or call 911 on your way for an escort.
- Gapers Delayers. For fucks sake, we have all seen a car pulled over, or a car with it's hood up. Most of us have seen a fender bender on the side of the road. I have even seen a donkey in Seattle on the side of the road (fucked up the Tacoma 5 for what seemed like forever) Please focus on driving, and not gaping at the normal shit on the side of the road. And this also includes Opposite Direction Gapers Delay. When the "incident" is on the other side of the road, and people on my side of the road are gaping, and delaying. Bastards.
That is all for now... I am sure to have more rules of the the road for you...
