A Toast to Tuesdays!

My new bloggy friend, Becky, over at My Crazy Beautiful Life, did a post Toasting Tuesday. A great idea because the Tuesday 10 was getting old. So here you go, today's assignment!

These are the reason's why I "Toast" to Tuesday!

• The sun is out today. It's not hot out, so I don't need the air on!
• My children are healthy and happy
• My husband loves me and we are happy
• Alex's room is cleaned, and rearranged super cute!
• I am getting a hold of the laundry situation
• I am healthy and happy
• It's Holiday season!!

So what do you have to toast to Tuesday? If you don't do it for Tuesday (Jen) then why not Toast to Thursdays? Thanks, Becky, this brought my mood up. Just remember... it's little things that makes the day better!

Saturday's Secret. The Big Picture

Here's a secret for you. I was scared. Out of my mind. To the point where my mind blocked the reality of what was really happening. It was probably the longest 8 hours of my life. Longer then waiting for my children to be born in the hospital, this was my sister. Her brain, and even though I knew (or we sure as hell hoped so) she was in great hands.


This is my mom. This is the stupid, most uncomfortable waiting room ever. Behind her is Au Boun Pain, the overpriced food, danish, and coffee restaurant. I think me being there made my mom be stronger then she may have wanted to be.

This is my dad. (he's hiding) he tried to sleep in the most uncomfortable place on earth. Or just make it all go away. It didn't work. So here is what happened...
This above is a diagram of what is in my sister. Below you will see two weeks later, we are back at the hotel for the generators to be put in her chest. So what you see here are the staples and scabs from the surgery when they went INTO my sister's brain. INTO...
Here on the side is where it gets confusing. From the brain there are these leads (wires) that go to here, and connect to more wires, that go down her neck, over her shoulders and into pace maker type generators that we would hope would tell the brain that certain muscles are over working to the point of keeping Susie's head always to the left, to the point where it is cutting off her voice, makes it near impossible to eat, drinking is a joke, and now the Dystonia makes her hands cramp up. Way to not only take away her voice, but lets fuck up her hands so she can't sign to us either.

So again the Saturday Secret. Was I was scared out of my mind. Maybe I didn't show it like people thought. Most people asked if I had a breakdown, or how I could cope with this.

Well folks here is the answer to how you cope. You just do.

You realize that you freaking out, will do you. The person or persons involved, and the victim themselves, absolutely NO good.

Sure, cry, question life, the "creator" and all that you want. But wigging out constantly will only stress you out, in a situation you can only hope to understand. You can't change it. (If you can let us know) I was asked why I didn't take more time off work. (the person asking took off 3 days when her Gramma was diagnosed with Cancer. She said she would have needed weeks to deal with what I just went through) I just took off the days needed for the surgery, I stayed at the hotel with my parents, and Ed came up everyday between work.

If I let myself just freak the fuck out... well I can't. So maybe that is the secret. I was scared, but we all know that. But I really just can NOT for the life of me, even try to freak out. Even in totally scary situations I just can't. I laugh at serious situations, smile when I hear about catastrophes. Not because there funny, no way. But it's like my mind is much stronger and just won't let me break.

I mean I cry, alot, about 9/11 and Susie, flood victims, and all sorts of tragedies. But what I am trying to say, is just during the situation. I seem to be clear about what needs to be done. I am not in the corner rocking myself, I am just there. I see it. Deal with it. And deal with the emotions later. Much later.

Maybe this makes me a freak, or heartless. Maybe through all the asshole family members (Mr. Bill at Thanksgiving 2005, Rich and Lila 2008. Dealing with just stupid ignorant people, the just mentioned, or shit talkers, Amanda, and thieves, Heather, or just rude, Lauren) Those people most I hate, some I just don't let get as close to me anymore. Those people. Those people are the ones that made me. You take all that and combine it with the most AMAZING support system of my parents, Susie, Ed and his family, and my best friend Jen. Knowing that I still can keep friends from 25 years ago....

That folks is what makes me tick. Some shitbrick sends me anonymous emails and gets angry with me? Oh you have no idea. I may seem small, and kind. A energetic girl with a lot of sass. Well it takes a lot of hurt combined with alot of love and support.

I think i got off my track, but my secret is I may seem emotionless at times. But sometimes you have to look at the big picture.

Yes Susie had 8 plus hours of brain surgery. And yes I was scared shitless. But I was able to control it, because I knew that freaking out would do me nothing.

I know my Aunt and Uncle died. Who's fault is it? That seems to be the question at hand. Lot's of people want to blame my cousins, some douche bags (Lila and Rich) even think to blame myself and my mom. No folks, my Aunt drank and smoked herself to death. My Uncle was heartbroken, attempted to move on. But just wanted to be with my Aunt. I hate the way things unfolded, it makes me so sad, and I think of them often. But to see the bigger picture, you have to see that my cousins do make mistakes. But being raised in an abusive home, and with poor parenting, well society is filled with people who's parents just didn't finish there job. So I see parents that had kids, enjoyed alcohol, smoking and not being parents to much. As a result the kids were not taught the common sense of work, living and money. Did this mean they didn't love there kids? Not even close. I know they loved there kids, but the sickness just got in the way. Now with the parents gone. I only hope the kids either on there own or together, help each other to move on and stay strong. Big picture.

In the back of my mind a recession is always at hand. I know that the Village raising our taxes out the ass, is not helping us financially. We own a home that we could afford in 2003. But almost 6 years later and $300 a month more just for taxes, kills a mortgage payment. I don't know what this recession we are going to go into will entail. I know that we have parents that will help us all they can, and I have friends and family that are close for support. I can't freak out yet, because, I see the bigger picture of just getting through it, bearing down, and moving on.

Kinda like childbirth. Sucks, hurts, lots of painful, and annoying things happen in that long 10 months. So when they tell me it's time to push, I realized I couldn't freak out and change my mind. The kid was either coming out one way or they make the way out. So I just did what I had to do. Push!

And the easiest one. Traffic. Seems minor to what I have already talked about. But in all seriousness. Traffic, will send your anxiety through any car roof, in a second! I don't like to wait any more then the next driver but, I really don't get the point in having a FULL LONG ASS conversation about how horrible the drive is, or ON and ON and ON about a driver. Seriously, if' it's a long light. They say to time it. No really the longest light is usually only 45 seconds. And traffic, yes it blows, but you can't fly over people, so just suck it up. I love watching the spaz's in there cars waving there hands. Breath people, just remember it could always be worse.

So before you freak out, try to look at the big picture. And then just take it one step at a time to get there.

Not so Wordless Wednesday... Loren

Hey rock star. Yeah you there with my kid.

Just because your the lead guitarist in a country band,

you sing the "Suite Life of Zach and Cody" theme song,

and you just got off tour with Hootie and the Blowfish.

Doesn't mean that your not a regular guy.

A regular guy, with a great big heart, and amazing talent.

But not only musically, but with your conversation, wit and wisdom.

I am honored that you will be Alex's godfather,

that I get to call you family,

and that I have you as a friend.

I just want you to know that we are thinking of you,

and your family.

I am hoping the best for your father.

I can't imagine how painful this is for you right now.

From the stories you tell,

your father was a huge musical influence on your life.

I wish him all the best.

Much love,

Jacki, Ed, Mia and Alex

Random questions I found at Jen's

Jen over at "A Day in the Life Of..." has some fun questions... so I stole them...

Who deceased would you want to see just one more time and what would you say?


Gramma Alice, I would want her to meet Alex. She was able to see Mia for just the first 6 months, and I would also like her to see how big Mia is since.

Gramma Wanda too. I am sure she had a ton of great stories to tell about her life, before kids. I would love to know it.

Ed's friend Matt. I never met him, and he passed away suddenly. I would have him come back so Ed could say goodbye... and so he could see Ed's kids. Oh and of coarse so he could meet his nephew, Mason.



Who would you like to knock out or verbally smack down from your past?

I would love to just knock out a few people. But I am small and violence really doesn't play well with my size and all. And since I never really fought anyone, I don't really see the need to start at the ripe old age of 30.



Buuuut... I can verbally woop some ass. So let's start the list...

Lau*r3n St@l3y - Loser. Slut. And TOTAL bitch. You wanna see the queen B of them all? She is up there for the crown folks. Nothing like making fun of you for not developing as fast as the rest of the girls in your class. But a topper to do it in front of the boy you really like. Nice. She TOTALLY dissed out my best friend in grade school behind her back, and talked more shit. I know some poor sap married her. I just hope if they ever breed, that she raises her children to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like her.

Lila and Rich - They just get one category to share, lets not rehash Pompous Bitch, and Captain Hypocrite. Long story short, they suck. There nicknames tell it all. And they are mean to my mom. Not cool.

Crystal and Jackie - From Harrah's.

Yes, Crystal. FREAK! You freaked out, claimed I stole your $12 throw away camera, that then turned into a $200 digital camera. Grow up! You left your piece of shit disposable at my house with 3 pictures on it. I used the rest and kept it. Get over it.

Jackie. Ah yes, I truly learned the meaning of "throw me under the bus" you were being fired for force balancing and you tried to say that I was doing it too, so I should be fired. Thanks for trying to take me down with you. I thought we were cool. Oh but a few months after, you starting asking about me, like we were friends again. Riiight.

And well all know the last one right? The faux cousin? The no name coward? Hmmm... well you just got your verbal beating. Enjoy!

See this is why I have just a few tight friends. I want to stay drama free, and enjoy this life of mine. So keep your drama, I don't want any, I get all the drama I need from Reality T.V., thanks though.



What is your best feature and why?

My ass and my blue eyes. As big as my ass is, I have to say I like it. I do not have your typical white girl butt, that is flat. I got me a badonka donk, and I am proud of it. And my eyes are blue, and they are pretty.



What is your worst feature and why?

Right now my fat tummy and stretch marks, but I know those are proud baby stripes. I would be more proud if they were just like, one little one... or none at all and still be proud? But other then that my teeth. I had buck teeth growing up, and since I was a genius and lost my retainer about a week after my braces came off, my bottom teeth are all moved all over.



If you could come back as any animal what would you be? I like the monkey idea Jen! I would have to go with a Tamerian if I did. But I would have to say a Tiger. Bengel to be exact, I love them, they are huge, fight for what they want, and I have always wanted to be a cat!

Judging a book by it's cover.

Don't worry, I posted your every so polite email here for all to see. Yours is in red, my response will be in black. Pain in the ass to read it. So if you want the full effect, read all the red to see the email. And then read the black to see what I had to say.


Had to sent this way would not accept my email
This being in reference to the fact that I blocked your retarded attempt at faking my cousins email. So you made up a new one through Robbie. That is why you were not accepted.

Hello Jacki (BITCH),
I guess you know me right? Because Bitch is a pretty strong word from someone who doesn't know me. I guess because I stand up for myself gives me the title Bitch? So be it. And since you started the name calling I guess we are on that level of conversation, so Bitch, I guess it's only fair for me to respond back right? That's what you want. A response?
This will be the last email you will receive from me.
What ever shall I do with out your ignorant threatening emails?
Since you will post this because you thrive the attention.
That is what we all get from you that you need to be NUMBER ONE. It is all about JACKI.
El numero uno. Yep, hence the fact that it's my blog, my guess is that it's going to be all about me. You must not know me to make that out to be a bad thing. I do love attention, like you love your drugs!
Just to let you know your cousin is not at stupid as you think.
Again you seem to know what I think too... amazing from a coward who won't come forward with there name...
She tells you she only has the Internet every so often when she emails me quite often. So she thought if I emailed you maybe you would react. She told me to try it so maybe you would really help. She knows you just talk about caring and thought if you got an email maybe you would actually help her.
So I would help Lori through you? Kinda confused when your first email was posing to be an angry, irate Lori. And now I am supposed to help her? Through you? Yes anger and ignorance are a real inspiration to help needy family members.
You do care what I think otherwise you would not post it.
Nope wrong again. Your opinion means shit, I am just curious to know who has the spare time to type out fake hate mail, then after you got busted out, oh by the way Robbie is tired of the stupid fake emails too, you get all uptight and pissy. But you still don't have the balls to come forward and just say who you are. That is what I care about right now. Not the fact that Lori is sponging off her brother, but I am very interested in who you are.
Lori says that you and your family say they care but you do not help them at all. You say they are all druggies and are all a mess. But yet you write how you care for them but will not give her money because she needs it so badly. With all of her court issues and drug issues.
OK we are going to cover all your gibberish here. Yes we care. Last time I checked from Lori's dad's side of the family, me and my family is all that still gives a shit about Lori and her family, Lila the Pompous bitch, Rich and Lin nosey and ignorant, and well the other cousins just don't want to get involved, well who could blame them. Its kinda fucked up with people like you getting all in the family business and all.

No they are not all druggies, Lori is doing better, and is trying to be less of a mess. Thanks to whomever called DCFS on her, she has too. Her court and drug issues are NOT my issues. Why should I clean up her mess? So she can go repeat them? Lori needs tough love, she know I am there for her. But money won't fix her. Sure she will spend it on groceries, but I am damn sure some will go towards cigarettes, and I don't endorse smoking. Plus since you know so much about me. You must know that I have SHIT for money right now.

Have you read any of my blog or MySpace page? Last I checked two kids, two dogs, two cats, a house to tend to. Oh and that big lavish pool I have out back. Plus I need to keep up with my expensive coffee habit. So I am not seeing Lori's issue fitting into my budget anytime soon. Lori can go take herself right on over to McDonald's, Taco Bell, whatever is closest. Get a job, and maker her own money. By the way if your so damn concerned why don't you go shake the money tree in your back yard. And send some of it Lori's way?

The point of the emails you stupid bitch again with the ignorant name calling. is that she needs the money to help feed her baby that you claim to care about but will not help with. She can only feed the baby yogurt, bread, crackers and milk because she does not have money for better things.
Nice. I am glad you think that calling me names, makes you look less intelligent, but we already covered your degree of smarts right?

Now this is not nice of you to assume that I don't care about Lori's baby. I do, very much so. But again I have two of my own to take care of. And my first priority is here at home. By they way, if you have priced yogurt lately it's a little pricey to be feeding a baby. And no that is not all he is getting. Robbie and Gregg are taking very good care of Lori and the baby.

Ah but you must know that my children are eating the very expensive Aldi's 33 cent mac and cheese, eggs, oatmeal, and I spring for a $1 t.v. dinner! Otherwise they just eat the fillet and lobster that me and Ed eat each night.
I am not high right at this moment so I have my thoughts together.
Well I am so glad you thought to collect your thoughts while sober. Maybe if you stay that way, you'll realize that your shrinking what brain cells you have left. Drugs are bad, put them down. I am sure they are not cheep either, so save up all your drug money and send it to Lori.
So Maybe bitch Not nice. if you got off your high horse and just quit typing and spent more time on real issues.
I own a horse? On top of my lavish swimming pool and mansion in the sticks? Good for me! A horsey!! And a high one at that! Aren't you jealous!

What real issues are those? I, unlike yourself, mind my business. I care about Lori, but if I got myself into every damn drama filled issue that involved friends and family, I would have no time to sit and type about them. So I just talk about myself, my family and my friends from here. (again since I am such an attention craving monkey, I must do this, but I am sure you know that already. Your so smart!)

We see if you post this now.
Here you go! You must crave attention with the best of us. Since you want to be published so bad!
By the way how is my grammar and writing skills. Up to your standards. Did you ever learn no to judge a book by its cover??????
Yes spell check works for all of us. Writing skills, not so great. Name calling is rude, and tacky, and hiding behind made up emails and using some bull shit excuse that I don't need to know is just an embarrassment to yourself.

I must ask you then if you learned not to judge a book by it's cover?

You assume because I own a home, have two cars, a swimming pool, and stay home all day I live the BIG American dream right? I must have tons of money to give away to my poor cousin who is a single mom, did drugs and got herself pregnant.

Well let's look under the cover of the suburban mom who has it all, so you have all the right information to judge me with. I do own my own home, your right, because I did things in this order. My order, what I thought would be best for my life.

1. I dated Ed.
2. I was engaged to Ed
3. I married Ed
4. Ed and I saved money living in our little condo. We NEVER went out.
5. With money saved we bought a house in BFE.
6. We bought pets. 4 of them.
7. 5 years later we made baby #1
8. 2 years later we made baby #2

Ed and I both paid off our cars and they are both over 10 years old, we pay taxes, and he works 3 jobs to keep us eating and living here. I stay home because daycare is expensive and I would rather be home to teach my babies then someone else doing it for me.

Yes I have a pool. Money again was saved, a word many people don't understand. That is my pool. Just like Lori struggles with the big pool in her back yard.

Yes I drink Starbucks, because that is my BIG treat. A fucking $4.87 cup of god damn coffee. Right you are, what a lavish life this is.

Yes my kids are fed. With Aldi's and Super Walmart brand. Nothing wrong with it. Yes my kids have clothes, again Walmart, Target and the fact that I have the BEST mom and dad and the BEST Mother and Father in law ever. So my kids are spoiled by people that love them.

I have A, one, uno, credit card for our home, and we pay it off each month. We live inside of our means. So if because I have a budget, and I pay my bills, I feed my kids, and I am saving towards my retirement gets your knickers all in a bunch, you are really a hypocrite to say that I shouldn't judge, when all you've been doing is judging me. Making me out to be the rich bitch cousin that doesn't care. Well here's a jugement on you.. you seem like a broke ass druggie, that has some big issue with people like me who have there shit together. So be a angry bitter judgemental douche bag that hides behind a fake email, and guilt trips me on poor Lori? Did I get you right?

Well wizard, I am so glad that I was able to lay my life out in front of you. Now judge. I see that you hate on me because I have that "perfect life" well I didn't make Lori get pregnant did I? I didn't make Lori do drugs, and I don't keep her from getting a job. I didn't make Lori have asshole friends that pretend to listen to her, and just turn it around and throw it back in the face of the few family members that still give two shits about her.

Pretend that you have a brain, and realize you just judged me by my cover.

You like to sound so rough and tough " DON'T MESS WITH ME I AM A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH" BUT YET YOU RAN TO MOMMY AND DADDY. SOME FORCE TO RECKON WITH!!!!! HA,HA..........TALK IS CHEAP!

Well since you are quoting me from my original email yes I say I am a force to be reckoned with. What were you expecting? A fight? A knock on your door? Well then you really don't know me at all. I don't fight, I don't see the point. Your not worth it. And I like my face the way it is. So physical violence is not for me.

Now words are my way. And this is what you get. Me responding back, not backing down and standing up for myself. That is my big reckoning back. Yes I run to my mommy and daddy, and my friends. Because I talk to my parent daily. They are my best friends. Not sure where you stand with your parents, but maybe your jealous because I wanted there opinion? Because this is a family issue and they should know about it? Just like I went right to Lori and Rob to find out what was up. So I guess because I got the facts straight. You call me out like I am a baby? I guess having the support of family and friends isn't something your familiar with.

WELL SIGNING OFF.

. I need not answer to you my name. You are not going to do anything anyway.
Me doing nothing, has nothing to do with your bitch ass name.
We all see that you care. If you did not want to give money how about groceries???
Right, because driving those groceries that I can't afford from BFE all the way to Lori in Chicago is gas money that I don't have, retard. For fucks sake, you go drive her your drug money or buy her groceries with it. Or are you just here to judge me, and do nothing yourself? I am sure being there for Lori and giving her drugs to smoke is really helping her out. What a loser.

I am changing email address and will not bother with you anyway.
Not sure if you caught on when you sent this via lori.beatz@yahoo.com you were sent back the email because I blocked you. So you made up an email with Rob's name so it would get to me. Your a quick one!
You are not worth it.
Well if I'm not worth it then stop emailing me. I won't miss you.
Talk is cheap and that is what you are CHEAP
Just to be sure I understand that you call me CHEAP because that is your judgement call of my lavish lifestyle and your broke ass is sad because I won't share? Just checking because I have $29 in my saving right now.

So just so everyone is clear. Your definition of be being cheap should be known as I am a hard working American, that pays her taxes, doesn't live of the government, knows what birth control is, keeps my legs closed, got married, got a job, saved money, didn't do drugs to escape the real world, grew up, takes responsibility for her actions, and doesn't expect a handout like some people do? Well then. Let me be the first to be called cheap because I handle my own.
Signed,
FOR LORI, SOME WHO CARES ABOUT HER
Bull shit you care. Get her a job, stop doing drugs with her, buy her some groceries, but the best thing you could show you cared would be to leave me the fuck alone, and even better, stay out of Lori's life. Your not a good friend. Your a coward that insults people because your angery and bitter.
YOU WOULD NOT KNOW ME ANYWAY
Right because again you will not say who you are. So here are my guesses... let me know if I am right!

1. Rich and Lin/Carol = A small possibility. But who knows maybe if they all put there tiny judgemental brains together they could attempt and email! Maybe with the help of the "neighbors!"
2. Lila = The pompous queen of Florida! What a piece of work that one is. I assume she has better things to do then to bother with this petty crap. But you never know. Nah, she's more of the creepy lurker type, that read here, and just judge away. Probably wearing the pretty yellow dress! (you know which one! The one you wore back in November of 1990?) Freak!
3. One of Lori's hoodrat friends = I think we may have a winner here! Let's see, Lori did tell me she went to her friends house... possibly to get away and just vent. Friend poses to pretend like she cares, but is just pumping information from Lori to make judgements on her family... send stalker like emails, and creep everyone out. Ah and I call this "friend" a "hoodrat" only because that is where Lori spent most of her early days, and if this is a friend from the "hood" and you seem to be quite the "rat" I can only call it, like it seems!

There you have it folks. The response, and mine back. Hope you enjoy. Now that we all have a better understanding of me. I hope you use those drug free brain cells you have left before you judge me again. Hope you feel better, I sure do! Have a shitty day.

Signed,

Lori's cousin that give a shit, but believes in tought love and Lori needs to fend for herself just like the rest of us. So please move on, and find another Bitch to annoy.

Family Reunion

Canceled due to the rain.



Boo. I do enjoy seeing my Carugati family when I can. These are my dad's dad's parents family. Everyone that is born from my Great Grampa and my Great Gramma, who had I think 6 kids (my Grampa John included), now before I go on. My great Grampa was shot in a bar he owned downtown Joliet. So his widow, then married his brother, and had more kids. Kinda sounds like a weird incest thing. But it's not. She just kept the love in the Carugati Family. So, moving on.



Those six kids each had about 4-6 kids each (my dad, and aunts and uncles), those kids then had kids (me and Susie) and then we had our own kids (Mia and Alex) I did do the family tree, It is huge, and massive and includes a retarded amount of people.



I am talking a few hundred, but only about 50-60 show up. My great Aunt Mary had to call everyone this morning, and to tell us, no reunion. Always the second Sunday in September. I like it because my family goes, and we catch up, take an annual picture, and eat lots of food.



Who doesn't love a bunch of loud Italians at the park? I do!! Until next year!

Dancing in the rain

I have always enjoyed this. Not the sideways rain, and heavy winds, kinda rain. But the straight downpour kind.

The kind where it's still warm outside, but the rain makes it feel good. I remember doing this as a kid. But then not again until right after my daughter was born. Mia was just a few weeks old, and it was one of those days where it's sunny, then rainy. So while Mia slept. I went out to the back yard, into the pouring rain, threw out my hands and embraced the rain.

It reminds me to stay grounded. To remember that it's the simple things in life, like the rain, that are good basic reminders to be happy about what you have. Enjoy the sun, and rain. Even if the sun is to damn hot. And the rain just won't go away. I know snow is a pain. But I love it when it has that dazzling diamond effect over it, after a snowfall.

I know that rain doesn't hurt, and we won't melt either. So today, as the downpour hit. I asked my sister, Susie, if she wanted to go dance in the rain. Since her Dystonia keeps her from speaking she couldn't fight me off, besides a good head shake no. And since Susie, is about 80 lbs soaking wet, I just scooped up my wee sister, and off we went out the back deck doors, into the pouring rain, I had to get her far enough away from the door, so I carried her to the garden steps, set her down. And she just looked at me. I said "you won't melt. This is fun right?" A warm smile came across my sisters face, and we scampered down into the rain soaked garden.

My mom yelled out "what are you two doing?!" I of coarse respond with "duh, where dancing in the rain. Wanna join?" Mom says a "no, but thanks. And don't drag Mia out there, she will get all wet"

As my 2 year old daughter, peers out onto the deck. I instantly run up to the doors, scoop her up, and whisk her out to the garden too. She is laughing, throws her head back and enjoys the rain as if she had done this a thousand times.

Maybe it was just seeing her mommy and Aunt Susie enjoy the rain. But it was what made me so happy today. To see her enjoy something so simple, and make a memory from it. I hope there are many more days to dance in the rain with my Mi and Susie.

7 things.

Stole it! Again over at Sunshine and Lemonade she just posted this, so I wanted to share!

7 things I can not do...

• sing well. Confusing how as that I was in Accepella choir for 3 years, and casted in 4 of my high school musicals...
• follow through. I SUCK at finishing anyth...
• go to bed. Good god 2 am every day this week!
• pretend to believe in something I don't.
• read in a moving car. Motion sickness is my middle name
• sit still. Oh I have ADD. If I am in a meeting, I will doodle, or make things...
• shut up. God I talk way to much.

7 things I can do...

• Dance. I dance well, and I will do it by myself on the dance floor if no one else will. Yes I like attention, just like the next attention craving monkey. But I love to dance. period!
• Drive well. I am SO comfortable driving. Not to the point where I stop paying attention. But I don't freak out much at all, I pay total attention to everyone else, and preguess there next move.
• Going along with driving well, I have an internal navigational system built in. I rarely get turned around. Even in a new area, I am good at remembering landmarks, and I seem to always know which way is north, east, west or south!
• Craft. I would narrow it down to just one. But I think I can draw, paper mache', stamp, scrapbook, and paint.
• Amuse a crowd. Usually at my expense. But all for a good laugh, I don't mind.
• Talk alot. Yeah, it's on my other list. But I am rarely at a loss for words. Silence dosen't bother me, I just take it as an opportunity to learn about someone.
• Multi-task. Hell yeah. I am getting this down like it's the only thing I know how. One task at a time is just boring. I knit sweaters in my sleep.

7 things I have never done...

• Never watched a whole episode of Sex and the City
• Never been arrested
• Never smoked anything. Ever.
• Never skydived. (not saying I won't, the opportunity to jump from a perfectly good plane just hasn't come along yet)
• Never gone to Ireland.
• Never not voted. It's just rude not too. The women fought to damn hard for us, just not to.
• Never been anything but myself.

7 things I want to do...

• Volunteer at a zoo or aquarium of some kind.
• Dance. I want to get into shape, starting with yoga, then in a few years, find a Hop hop dance class for adults.
• Go to another Stampin' Up! convention, in Salt Lake City
• Be a room mom
• Get organized. Please, I am getting closer!
• Be on Big Brother. Not joking.
• Live a long happy life, with Ed and the kids.

Shhhh.

There all sleeping.

Ed. Asleep in our room.
Alex. Just went down for his nap.
Mia. Just went down for her nap.
Cats. Asleep in the chair.
Dogs. Asleep in the media room.

LOVE. IT. Let's drink like RockStars, and get something done...

Happy Labor Day

Ola! And Happy Labor Day to you all!

I can't stay long, I am spending the day with my family! Yes MY family, not extended in anyway. Proud to say that the 4 of us (still crazy to say!) are enjoying a nice day together.

We had a great breakfast of omelets, and coffee. In my ever so clean kitchen (I busted my ass in there yesterday!) After breakfast Ed and Mi wasted no time getting ready to swim. I am going to get Alex fed, and off to the pool myself!

I will blog more later, oh if you are looking for something cool to look at. Here is my Stampin' Up! website, poke around... enjoy! (let me know what you think!)

www.creativemaniacs.stampinup.net

Not so Wordless Wednesday.

I miss you. I miss us. I miss the conversation. I miss the silence between us, when it's never awkward. I miss stories about the kids. I miss talking about our husbands. I miss Target and coffee.

3000 miles separate us. And every time we are back together, it's like I just saw you yesterday. We just pick back up where we left off. Usually with long hugs and crying.

I love the fact that you are my cousin. Ahem, sorry, my scuzin'. You make me laugh, smile, and you get me. Not to many people do. It's always to long between visits scuz. I love you and I miss you.

ps tell your kids to stop growing up so fast, and I will try to tell mine too. I miss them.

Much love from your favoritest scuzzin'

Gack

Ten after two

I am supposed to be power cleaning the house today, I am. But it was just a rough start. Last night was a LITTLE to much fun. So I woke with a winner of a headache, getting Ed off to work and since we had the kids out with us till 1:00 am! We are all dragin ass today.

I took my Xtra strength Tylenol, had my over sized Starbucks. And now 6 hours later, I do think I can get some good cleaning done. I must be done by 4:20 because Ed will be home, first off I would like the house clean for him to come home to. And we have a hot date with our pool!!!!

I will blog about our AMAZING night last night, oh god too good of a time. Family, friends, very chill atmosphere, Hootie and the Blowfish, and of coarse my favorite band The Drew Davis Band. I will blog about that later.

Anywho, just wanted to check in with my faithful readers, it may be a while till I blog... maybe tonight? I just might still be in my pool!! Ha!

Back to reality

Yes welcome back to reality. I have SO much to do tonight and tomorrow it's insane! I had a great week off, and now I am being thrown back to the crazy SAHM job as I know it!

I should iron Ed clothes for at least tomorrow morning (so he dosen't wear a sweater. That's for you Dominique) he has to work the Video Store, then I need to go pick up my children at my IL's, bring them home, feed them lunch and get a nap in them.

Get everyone ready, and iron new clothes for Ed (so when he gets home from the Video Store he can change) I will be bringing the kids with me to the wake for my uncle, which is from 4pm till 8pm (at Dames on Black and Essington for anyone who want to attend) and then Ed will be there shortly after he gets off work and changes. And yes expect a full report of the drama that will be with this event. I am telling you this should be one hell of a humdinger of an event. After the Wake I will take the kids home, and Ed will go to Empress to work the night shift.

Then we have Wednesday morning is the Funeral, and then Ed works from 1am -9pm and then to Empress for work again. After the Funeral I will be with the kids and we will be going to my parents house, they are holding the after Funeral festivities. Then off to home we go.

On Thursday we are having the pool being installed, and Friday we are going to the Drew Davis Band Concert, they are opening for Hootie & the Blowfish! Saturday and Sunday I can breathe, Monday is my birthday with my parents, Tuesday is my birthday with Jen, and that Friday is the fun Luau Crop night at the scrapbook store.

Phew... did you get all that? We are busy bugs around here. And when we are busy we do it big! I think we attempt to cram as much drama, and events into one week, and try to live to tell about the events.

Well enough rambling, I must iron clothes and then go sleep! I am exhausted! Gnight!

James Beatz

Phone conversation. Sunday June 29th at the Pride Parade.

My cousin Robbie hands me his cell phone, right as a float is passing by, it's hard to hear the person on the other end, but I hear "Jacki?" silence on my end. I am trying not to break down, I am looking Robbie right in his eyes, and I know I can't break down.

It was his dad. My Uncle Jim. My Godfather. "Hi Uncle Jim!" I yell back into the phone. "Are you having fun?" he asks. "Yes!" I yell back. Knowing this conversation is going to be short, I know the only think I need to say is "Uncle Jim, I love you" he says "I love you too, Jacki"

I hand Robbie back his phone. Turning away from Robbie I face my best friend Jen, and she can see in my eyes and she knows as well as we all did that day. That was going to be my last conversation with my Uncle Jim.

The cousins my sister and I grew up with are Lori, Robbie, Timmy and Mike. They aren't my cousins. They are my brothers and my sister. I love them unconditionally. They are constantly being judged by family members who were never inside those walls as much as me and Susie were. And there were so many things that even Susie and I don't know. So what makes others so knowledgeable of there life? From what you see isn't always what is truth.

I remember the cornfields at Halloween, I remember birthdays as a kid, I remember Lori and Susie's combined Confirmation, I remember how my Uncle loved to cook, I remember Lori's baby shower, I remember that last Christmas 2006, at my mom's house. The last time my mom and her two brothers were ever together. And I remember Robbie and Greggs wedding, and how I got to walk down the isle with my Uncle. And I will never forget that phone conversation. God it's hard to type and sob at the same time but I just keep going.

This is such a mindfuck. I mean I need to be strong for my mom, for my cousins. I am mad at my other Uncle Rich and Aunt Lila for judging my cousins and my family as they have. And at the same time I just want to laugh, because it's all so insane.

I know that life goes on, it goes on in Mia, and Alex. It goes on in all of us, and in our children. All we can do is go forward in this life, and make of it what we can, it's the only one we've got. We need to be there for each other. I need you.

To Mike. I love you. You were the oldest of us all (going on 40! Yikes!) like a big brother to me, I have always loved the smile you get on your face when the Carugati Family walks in a room. Your boys are amazing. Love them, and show them through example how you want them to be. They look up to you, and need you.

To Timmy. I love you. I know you look to the way my mom and dad raised us, and you want your boys to have that. You need to be there for them as much as you can, support them, and be there friend but always be there dad first. Your an amazing person, and always had time to chill with your cousin, no matter how cool you were.

To Lori. I love you. A lot. We spent so many summers together. You, me and Susie. Playing over at Pershing school, god just to go back to that. Just for a day, enjoying the sun. A park, and coming back to some macaroni and cheese made by my mom. The countless sleepovers, the late night giggles, and more memories then I can list! You have had a HARD life, but it's up to you to grab your life by the horns and take it. And make it what you can.

Be there for Little Brendon, do everything for him, and yourself. Take this opportunity that you have living with Robbie and Gregg, and run with it. This is your chance to get a job. Make money. Save money. Move out ON YOUR OWN. Don't depend on other people to do your life for you. I know it seems like you went from Lil Lori to Mommy real fast. The loss of your mom right before Brendon was born and now your dad. I know that I would be a wreck. But like I wrote earlier. This. is. your. only. chance at this life. Don't fuck it up, take care of your little man. He needs you more then you think. Just think of the things you can be for him! The most amazing mom ever. Don't rely on your brothers, or men to take care of you. Be stronger then that. Use this stage in your life as a milestone. A spot in your life to get your shit together, and move on. I am here for you. I wish I could give you money like you asked. But Ed works 3 jobs to keep us above water and our kids fed. But know damn well that I am ALWAYS here for you. Step up to the life you have created for yourself and Little Brendon, and make it amazing.

To Robbie. I love you. Unconditionally. There hasn't been a day in our life that I haven't loved you. I will never judge you for your life. I have to say that growing up with you was just like having a brother. No lie. From always inviting me with your friends, to always making time for your family. Oh where do I start. They softball game with the cadets at Inwood, Youth Group at St. Johns, Halloween parties, when you and Timmy gave me all your Garbage Pail Kids cards, YOU played Monopoly with me. Going to the beach club with ALL of us piled in my parents Nova, with your mom and my mom up front, and more inflatable rafts the bodies in the car! All the talks and thoughts we've shared. I love to watch you and Gregg. To see you happy, make me so happy. I am proud of you, and what you have become. You and Gregg need to take care of each other and grow with each other, learning along the way that you may not always agree on things. God knows me and Ed don't agree on things, but I always know that I have his back and he has mine. I hope you and Gregg grow old together. Learning, growing and embracing the life you've created for each other.

And to my Mom and Dad, Uncle Jim and Aunt Karen. Thanks to the 4 of you. For letting us grow up together, like brothers and sisters. For making memories for us, and teaching us that no matter what. Family is there for each other. Even though we don't talk everyday, or every month, or even every year. Know that I am always here for you.

Your mom and dad are together now. Happy as they once were. Sitting at a little kitchen table, your mom is watching General Hospital, while your dad is making dinner with a little radio turned to the local Country music station. And always watching over you. Right up there with Gramma Wanda. I miss your mom and dad, and it goes with out saying I have missed Gramma Wanda since she left us in 1991. But there family still goes on. Make them proud.

Rest in peace Uncle Jim. I love you. We miss you.