Dear Drivers.

Dear Drivers of the Road,

I know I am not a certified DMV employee, and in anyway legally allowed to give you driving advice. But well, I will anyway. Here are what I think should be the rules of the road. Some simple and some are a bit more complex... read slow if you just don't get it.

• Use your blinker, it's there for a reason. And not right before you get there. It helps people know that they could possibly pull out in front of traffic if they so trust that you are slowing down and really are turning.
• Park in ONE. Uno. 1. Single. parking spot. I just don't get when you park your fancy pants car in two spots. Makes me want to park my big ass, decade old truck right next to you... STOP IT. Just because your making payments on your car still, and I have had mine paid off for 7 years now, just makes me want to park right next to you!
• Music. Here comes the hypocrite in me. Turn it down, practically turned off, when.in.a.subdivision. Yes I was a teenager that just didn't get "turn it down!!" maybe if someone would have explained that people sleep during the day, whether children napping, or DH sleeping from work shifts. TURN YOUR SHIT DOWN. And when you think you have it down low enough. Turn it down more, because seriously I can still hear you. I don't care if it makes you feel better, when you see the tack strip across my street you might then feel the rath of a mom that just got the toddler to take a nap, but NO, your stupid bass just woke up my kid. Motorcycles, crotch rockets whatever, DON'T REV near homes either. Not impressed. At all. I hate you. Wear a helmet and go away.
• Speaking of, Motorcyclist and all other bike riding people. First wear a helmet. Because when your retarded ass falls off that bike, and my big ass SUV runs you over like a shiny speed bump, you bet your ass I will feel no remorse. Why? A. Because you chose to ride a bike, B. Because you have no helmet. And C. because you probably drive like an ass. Now I am sure there very responsible bike drivers. I personally know some. But when you weave, on the highway and you cut me off so fucking close that I only see your head and shoulders. You only anger me, because of the damage you could do to me, my children, and the time I would waste on explaining why your being removed from my windshield.
• Right laners. Yes drive your chosen speed limit. My only request is when you see people merging on. MOVE.OVER. Yes into the left lane, possibly before you get to the point of merging, so it's not a psyco swerve over move. Or the slam on the brakes freaking out over how they are getting on! Ugg. Just do us all a favor, get off the highway.
• Left laners. (pertaining to some of us with only 2 lanes on our direction of highway) This is the fast lane. Go fast. If you chose to be in the left lane, DO NOT go under the speed limit. DO NOT go the speed limit (this means you should be either in the right lane or on side roads) go faster. If someone wants to go faster then you, move over. Yes move over to the right and once they pass, then you can go back to the left lane. Please understand though, if I am in the left lane and you choose to go WAY fast, and FLY up my ass. I will not kill myself, waste gas by flooring it, or get a ticket to get out of your way. I will move over as soon as I can though. Oh and the longer your WAY up my ass. The longer it will take me to pass the semi to my right. BACK OFF.
• Ass riders. BACK OFF. I don't deal well with ass riders, I will slow down. A lot. I will be late, and have been for work on purpose because you are an ass rider. No reason for it. I just choose to annoy you more they you already are. I get if your in a hurry, but riding my ass will just not make it go any better. Going into labor? Dying? Well then ride the shoulder, or call 911 on your way for an escort.
• Gapers Delayers. For fucks sake, we have all seen a car pulled over, or a car with it's hood up. Most of us have seen a fender bender on the side of the road. I have even seen a donkey in Seattle on the side of the road (fucked up the Tacoma 5 for what seemed like forever) Please focus on driving, and not gaping at the normal shit on the side of the road. And this also includes Opposite Direction Gapers Delay. When the "incident" is on the other side of the road, and people on my side of the road are gaping, and delaying. Bastards.

That is all for now... I am sure to have more rules of the the road for you...

Saturday's Secret. The Big Picture

Here's a secret for you. I was scared. Out of my mind. To the point where my mind blocked the reality of what was really happening. It was probably the longest 8 hours of my life. Longer then waiting for my children to be born in the hospital, this was my sister. Her brain, and even though I knew (or we sure as hell hoped so) she was in great hands.


This is my mom. This is the stupid, most uncomfortable waiting room ever. Behind her is Au Boun Pain, the overpriced food, danish, and coffee restaurant. I think me being there made my mom be stronger then she may have wanted to be.

This is my dad. (he's hiding) he tried to sleep in the most uncomfortable place on earth. Or just make it all go away. It didn't work. So here is what happened...
This above is a diagram of what is in my sister. Below you will see two weeks later, we are back at the hotel for the generators to be put in her chest. So what you see here are the staples and scabs from the surgery when they went INTO my sister's brain. INTO...
Here on the side is where it gets confusing. From the brain there are these leads (wires) that go to here, and connect to more wires, that go down her neck, over her shoulders and into pace maker type generators that we would hope would tell the brain that certain muscles are over working to the point of keeping Susie's head always to the left, to the point where it is cutting off her voice, makes it near impossible to eat, drinking is a joke, and now the Dystonia makes her hands cramp up. Way to not only take away her voice, but lets fuck up her hands so she can't sign to us either.

So again the Saturday Secret. Was I was scared out of my mind. Maybe I didn't show it like people thought. Most people asked if I had a breakdown, or how I could cope with this.

Well folks here is the answer to how you cope. You just do.

You realize that you freaking out, will do you. The person or persons involved, and the victim themselves, absolutely NO good.

Sure, cry, question life, the "creator" and all that you want. But wigging out constantly will only stress you out, in a situation you can only hope to understand. You can't change it. (If you can let us know) I was asked why I didn't take more time off work. (the person asking took off 3 days when her Gramma was diagnosed with Cancer. She said she would have needed weeks to deal with what I just went through) I just took off the days needed for the surgery, I stayed at the hotel with my parents, and Ed came up everyday between work.

If I let myself just freak the fuck out... well I can't. So maybe that is the secret. I was scared, but we all know that. But I really just can NOT for the life of me, even try to freak out. Even in totally scary situations I just can't. I laugh at serious situations, smile when I hear about catastrophes. Not because there funny, no way. But it's like my mind is much stronger and just won't let me break.

I mean I cry, alot, about 9/11 and Susie, flood victims, and all sorts of tragedies. But what I am trying to say, is just during the situation. I seem to be clear about what needs to be done. I am not in the corner rocking myself, I am just there. I see it. Deal with it. And deal with the emotions later. Much later.

Maybe this makes me a freak, or heartless. Maybe through all the asshole family members (Mr. Bill at Thanksgiving 2005, Rich and Lila 2008. Dealing with just stupid ignorant people, the just mentioned, or shit talkers, Amanda, and thieves, Heather, or just rude, Lauren) Those people most I hate, some I just don't let get as close to me anymore. Those people. Those people are the ones that made me. You take all that and combine it with the most AMAZING support system of my parents, Susie, Ed and his family, and my best friend Jen. Knowing that I still can keep friends from 25 years ago....

That folks is what makes me tick. Some shitbrick sends me anonymous emails and gets angry with me? Oh you have no idea. I may seem small, and kind. A energetic girl with a lot of sass. Well it takes a lot of hurt combined with alot of love and support.

I think i got off my track, but my secret is I may seem emotionless at times. But sometimes you have to look at the big picture.

Yes Susie had 8 plus hours of brain surgery. And yes I was scared shitless. But I was able to control it, because I knew that freaking out would do me nothing.

I know my Aunt and Uncle died. Who's fault is it? That seems to be the question at hand. Lot's of people want to blame my cousins, some douche bags (Lila and Rich) even think to blame myself and my mom. No folks, my Aunt drank and smoked herself to death. My Uncle was heartbroken, attempted to move on. But just wanted to be with my Aunt. I hate the way things unfolded, it makes me so sad, and I think of them often. But to see the bigger picture, you have to see that my cousins do make mistakes. But being raised in an abusive home, and with poor parenting, well society is filled with people who's parents just didn't finish there job. So I see parents that had kids, enjoyed alcohol, smoking and not being parents to much. As a result the kids were not taught the common sense of work, living and money. Did this mean they didn't love there kids? Not even close. I know they loved there kids, but the sickness just got in the way. Now with the parents gone. I only hope the kids either on there own or together, help each other to move on and stay strong. Big picture.

In the back of my mind a recession is always at hand. I know that the Village raising our taxes out the ass, is not helping us financially. We own a home that we could afford in 2003. But almost 6 years later and $300 a month more just for taxes, kills a mortgage payment. I don't know what this recession we are going to go into will entail. I know that we have parents that will help us all they can, and I have friends and family that are close for support. I can't freak out yet, because, I see the bigger picture of just getting through it, bearing down, and moving on.

Kinda like childbirth. Sucks, hurts, lots of painful, and annoying things happen in that long 10 months. So when they tell me it's time to push, I realized I couldn't freak out and change my mind. The kid was either coming out one way or they make the way out. So I just did what I had to do. Push!

And the easiest one. Traffic. Seems minor to what I have already talked about. But in all seriousness. Traffic, will send your anxiety through any car roof, in a second! I don't like to wait any more then the next driver but, I really don't get the point in having a FULL LONG ASS conversation about how horrible the drive is, or ON and ON and ON about a driver. Seriously, if' it's a long light. They say to time it. No really the longest light is usually only 45 seconds. And traffic, yes it blows, but you can't fly over people, so just suck it up. I love watching the spaz's in there cars waving there hands. Breath people, just remember it could always be worse.

So before you freak out, try to look at the big picture. And then just take it one step at a time to get there.

I am calling out my faux cousin. Please respond.

Hi,
you are so stuped in your comments you make about others. You say you are there for me but you aren't. Say you can't help me but you have money for everything else. swimming pool, coffee and parting. I hope you get back what you give. NOTHENG!!! You and your mother just lie. You only care about yourselves. You quote to everyone that you care about us but all you do is like the gossep. you thyve on it. U like to make everyone TO THINK you luv us but you just talk and write like you do.

ENJOY



This was an email sent to me. I find it interesting that someone is pretending to be my cousin, and trying to drive a wedge into a family that already has to many wedges in it.

I am glad I was smart enough to call my family and find out that it wasn't sent by my cousin. It was staged and sent through a fake email.

I am just saddened that someone would try to do this to our family. So here is my lure, if you have something against me, and you want to bring up an issue. Bring it, but stop pretending that your my cousin. I just got off the phone with my cousin and she hasn't had Internet access for a few weeks.

That makes the email above not from my cousin. Hmmm. So who has spare time to make up an email from my cousin to me? I wonder... feel free to fess up. Because it's obvious the fake emailer also reads my blog. Since they referenced my "pool, coffee and parting" you must have my parting ways mixed up with a different Jacki, unless the scrapbook expo and the Stampin' Up! weekend with my friends is parting, well your just confused.

Oh and if you knew my cousin, you would know that she doesn't even know the meaning of the word "thyrve" or thrive. Nor does she talk like that. And by the way, whoever is my faux cousin sending me the fake emails. Your are SO on my shit list for calling my mom out too.

I told you all once, don't mess with me. I am a force to be reckoned with. But bring my mom into it. Now you really have my attention. Either fess up and realize I am calling you out on it. Or back off and this post just gets filled away with all the others.

D.R.A.M.A. at the round table discussion

Oh the drama! There was peace amongst family members. The service was beautiful, being that my Uncle was a Marine. The Marines were there all in full uniform, with a rifle shooting (aka scare the shit out of kids and elderly) and the flag folding and all.

I was a genius, if I do say so myself, yesterday I came up with the great idea of downloading some songs for my Uncle from iTunes and playing them on my speakers at the funeral home. (much better then the CD labeled "funeral music" playing)

Even more genius, as soon as the Marines gave my oldest cousin Mike, the flag. Ed was cued to be the D.J. and the bagpipes played from the iPod. After that we played "Strangers In The Night" by blue eyes himself. (that was my Uncle and Aunt Karen's song)

After the service, we all drove to the spot where my uncle will be, and Aunt Karen already is. Then a long drive to my mom and dad's house. Who graciously hosted the event following.

We all ate, lots of yummy fried chicken and mostacholli. Then the round table discussion began (more like long rectangular table discussion) this consisted of my four cousins and my mom. Going over the game plan of how to get my Uncles personal belongings out of his girlfriends house that lives 5 hours south. Everyone else got smart and left the room.

It went well for about 10 minutes, and I give the kids credit for being that polite with each other for that long. Then the "well I did this for dad" and "your a screw up" and some "your an asshole" and lots of "F*ck you's" (in many different forms, either a direct quote, or a go eff yourself, and some eff off's too) and don't forget my favorite "I can't handle this, I'm leaving"

Well after many loving and endearing words to each other, threats and hostility. My mom stepped in and told them all to sit down, and attempt to handle this like adults. Where you hold a conversation by talking, not screaming. That lasted for about 5 minutes, and they all needed a smoke break.

Good god. The rest of us, just went outside. Drama must like us, because it followed us outside. There was alot of "I am smarter then the others", and "everyone else is the eff up, not me" all the while my Uncles girlfriend is frightened and clutching her purse "saying this is too much for today"

After 6 hours and more drama then I can tolerate in one day. They all left, and my mom, myself and my sister all took a nap on my moms bed, while Alex slept in the crib down the hall, and Mia slept in her pack-n-play. Somewhere in that hour nap, my dad fell asleep in the gazebo.

All in all the high drama I predicted for yesterday was moved to today. I am glad it's over. Rest in Peace Uncle Jim. Love your niece and goddaughter.