So I had a conversation. I was told I have always had great self esteem. But now since the baby I have self esteem thru the roof and I don't care what you think.
Now to explain better, the above statement. I do have great self esteem, I am not full of myself (See "I love me" blog a few weeks ago) I could lose about 20 lbs, bite my tounge and not be so abrasive.
BUT, the next statement of "I don't care what you think" sets in. This stems back from childhood, (thanks Lauren Beth Staley. Asshat) I was made fun of and felt like shit about who I was. I thought I was to wierd so I should be preppy like all the other girls.
Then I went to St. Mary's Youth Group, I truely enjoyed myself and found myself to be liked by people even thought I am crazy and wierd. I remember one trip to Minasota (don't ya know) and I was a Senior @ West, and these two freshman that were on the trip, really looked up to me. They told me they wanted to be like me, and just be themselves.
I still remember that ride home on the bus. I realized that I can be crazy, wierd, loud, and abrasive. And I try to do it in a funny, happy way. Someone looks up to me for that?!
I decited from then on out I will not change for anyone. No one should, sadly we all do.
I was dating someone for 4 1/2 years, around that time I wanted to tell him all about my friends at my job (Empress) he said "You have 5 minutes, I really don't care to here about anyone you work with" but then he would proceed to yap forever about his coworkers.
And I was a little to out there for him, and he wanted me to act more normal?!? This is normal.
He was suprised when I left him. I found out that there was a guy, that I would talk to for HOURS (6-8) at Sarah's resturant (on Rt 6) This guy, listened to EVERY story, laughed at my sillyness, and made me so comfortable. Tuesday the 29th we will have been together 8 years.
Thanks Ed.
Thanks to those who listen, laugh, and understand that you may not like what you get, but this is it.
My mom, she will NOT change for anyone. I have learned that. And I love her for teaching me that.
Ed, like I said, listens, laughs, and is my bestfriend no matter what. He is there for me.
Jen, takes me for me. Even if we don't agree, we know that this is who we are. Deal with it.
My sister, Susie and all of my friends that take me for me.
Mia. My beautiful baby. In these last 355 days I have had with you, I have realized that I don't want to be something I am not. I don't want you to have to either.
I don't need to prove anything to anyone. and neither do you.
I am alot of things, like them or not. I want her to be herself and to surround herself with people who accept her for who she is.
I am ME. Be the real YOU. You just might be supprised at how much more you enjoy life. I do.
