Push myself

It is so damn hard to push yourself.

To push yourself
to clean up after yourself.
To pick up after guests.
To pick up after 2 dogs
To pick up after 2 cats
To pick up after your husband
All when you feel like you always have the flu.

To push yourself
to be a grown up
to sit down and have a talk about money and how much you don't have
to realize that you need to be on a stricter budget then you already are on
to return calls you don't want to
to return emails you don't want to
to know what to say "no" to and what to say "yes" to.
To do all of this knowing how much you hate grown up life

To push yourself to help others
to make them realize that they aren't the only ones with NO money
to make them realize that they aren't the only ones with a fucked up family
to make them realize that they aren't the only ones with stress with work
to make others realize that yes I do have the hardest job. Do it for a week and then argue with me about it.
to hope that people don't just think since you have a house and paid off cars that you aren't up to your eyeballs in bills too. Your just smarter. (at least until these 10 year old cars kick it)
to hope that people realize that maybe we just grab the bull by the horns and deal with the fact that we are short on money, or we are screwed when the insurance kicks in for 4 people a paycheck next year, or medical bills are piling up and I haven't even delivered this baby yet.
that we don't hide from our bills, as much as I would love to. I have done that once and the repercussions sucked.
We are lucky with the family we have, but money doesn't fall out of trees for us either. We just work with what we have, and we make it work. We do not live outside our means.
If a better budget means I move to a more south town, we move.
If a better budget means I am not going to Stampin' Up! convention in July. I am not.
If a better budget means I still save my Stampin' Up! money and go to Holland, and/or Regional, then I take what I can get.
If a better budget means I don't get any of the above, I save the money to help out the budget here at home.
If a better budget means NO Starbucks, NO McD's, NO I am to lazy to cook eating out. Then I really learn how to cook what I have.
If a better budget means using the credit card in extreme emergency only, then that is what it means.

If pushing myself means
I do more adult like things, but still remember there is a happy kid in there somewhere. She is just usually on reserve for when Mia wants to play.
Sigh, Mi, don't grow up, this sucks.


It doesn't matter where you go in life...
What you do...
Or how much you have...
It's who you have beside you.

Thanks Ed for always being there, and always talking things out. That is what makes us. Us.