My secret is out

I am insane. Or temporally insane.

I called Ed today hysterical. Mia was throwing such a huge nap time fit it was insane. She was banging her head on her bedroom door. I had already spent 2 hours in her room, laying in her bed with her. I just lost it. I went and hid in Alex's room.

So I called Ed at the video store, well when he is running the store by himself, it's kinda hard to calm your looney wife. But he did the best he could between customers. So I called my mom. Of coarse I should have just called her first, knowing she knows what it's like to have 2 little ones. I guess I just have an issue letting people know that I am having a hard time.

It's like I feel as if I get any help at all, besides from Ed, I am a failure at being a SAHM. I need to take help, but I have done this before on my own, and I can do it again. I just need the mood swings to stop, the insane crying fits, and to get a system down with the 3 of us. I got this.

Well my secret is out. Since I told my mom, well Ed was worried so he talked to his mom, who then talked to Aunt Nancy about it. Jeez, I don't need that much help. I just needed Ed and my mom. But Ed goes to his mom for help. Oh well, at least everyone wants to help right?

So there's my secret. I have postpartum, I hate it. I can't control it. I am happy go lucky one minute, and a hysterical mess the next. I am not angry and I don't have any wierd urges to hurt myself or my children. Sometimes I just need to go have a time out. It's kinda hard when there is no one else here to take over.

I guess after 2 weeks straight of nothing but baby, toddler, baby, toddler... throw in dogs, cats, and Ed it gets a little insane. Plus I went cold turkey, Ed 24/7 for 12 days to no Ed since Monday.

I am o.k. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I am, really.